My Arch Enemy

“The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend.” – President Abraham Lincoln

Funny how the human brain works.

After feeling on top of the world yesterday, Christmas Day, looking back on the blessings and joys of the year to date and just enjoying the festive day, I did something terrible, something I can’t take back, something that has been attacking my soul ever since.

I did not run. 

For you loyal and fitastic followers I have, you know that I have been participating in Holiday Streaking. Runners World’s “The Newbie Chronicles”, inspired me to complete a Holiday Streak that went from Thanksgiving to New Years Day — to run everyday, at least a mile. That is 34 days of running straight. 

Why did I chose to do this? I realized that was a question I didn’t really think about having an answer for until my beloved yoga teacher asked me, “what my intention was”, something she always asks her students to think about before class. I thought I’d have a clear answer, but I really didn’t. I knew I wanted a new goal and to prepare myself for training my next race. Of course, preparing yourself for training essentially means giving yourself rest days and time to recover. No no, my intention was pretty simple.

I wanted to make sure my fat ass didn’t gain weight in the most glutenous month of the year. 

See what I did there? Editors note: Often when I’m writing these blogs I got through multiple drafts and type what my brain is really thinking immediately and then re-read and realize how annoyingly self deprecating I’m being and edit accordingly. However, for purposes of this post I’m keeping it in.

Let me explain. 

My brain, like many others is my arch enemy. I find myself undervaluing the accomplishments I make on a regular basis and when, as it goes with runners, my body gives up on me, my brain punishes me. I keep thinking over and over about how I failed. How if I can’t do this, I can’t do anything right in life. I’m not reaching anywhere near my potential. I’m fat. My thighs are gigantic. My skin sucks. 

You get the point. 

So, when I started getting shin splints and pain in my left knee last week, I pushed myself through. I had to finish this streak, I wasn’t even thinking of the long term damage I might have been causing myself, that would essentially do the opposite of what I thought my initial intention was, to prepare me for training. 

Of course Steve told me to stop and I was being silly to keep going, but one of the many reasons we get along so well is he just knows I’m stubborn as all get out and knows I’ll do it anyway so he doesn’t push the issue. 

Christmas Day, after spending too many hours playing with my new toys and spending time with family, the day got away from me and I ended the streak.

I might have gone out at 9PM in 20 degree weather through the streets of Brooklyn with my ankles that have been swollen for days and my aching shins, but I didn’t. I, unfortunately, did not finish the Holiday Streak. 

It sucked, it kind of ruined the end of my Christmas, if I’m really honest. 

Which is why I’m sharing this story with you.

Why oh why do we beat ourselves up? This is not something that does not specifically effects runners of fitness freaks. It seems to be an accepted part of everyone’s life. To compare yourself to others and strive to an often unattainable goal which, when obviously unachieved we beat ourselves up?! 

Please, if someone has an answer, I urge you to let me know!

If I could come up with a solution, which is what I am currently trying to do, I would say that we can start to train your brain to remember just how dope you are. It’s not going to be easy, but I truly believe its possible. 

Tomorrow, I will be joining friends in a house upstate to free myself from this increasingly tough (mental, physical, emotional) to live in city, and be in nature in the beautiful Catskill Mountains. Good beer, awesome friends, to die for food options and, the best damn running trails I have ever been on. 

It’s going to be great, but you know what? I’m going to practice really hard to not let my brain win if I chose not to run, which given my current status may not happen at all. I am going to do my best not to be hard on myself, myself  who has achieved a lot recently and can continue to achieve, but perhaps not at everything. 

I sincerely hope that all of you reading have some time off for the remainder of this holiday season. I encourage you not to beat yourself up if you can’t be perfect, or maybe even if the jeans are fitting a little too snug. You know you’ll get back on that horse, it happens, life can pass you by in an instant and there’s no real point in fitting into that tiny dress if it means you being in a hospital or worse.

I’ll give it my best effort, how ’bout you?!

Merry Happy!

Merry Christmas to all of you that celebrate!

As the year comes to an end, its natural to look back on the past twelve months and analyze the good and bad, ups and downs. Usually, at this time of year, I’m snacking on whatever sugar laden treat is in a mile radius of me and planning my seemingly yearly ritual of New Year’s Day weight loss plan. This holiday season, that vicious pattern has finally changed.

2013 has been a year of pure joy for me. I completed two half marathons, the Brooklyn Half and the New Paltz (NY) Half where I set a PR of 1:54:23. I trained and completed my first marathon, the Philadelphia Marathon on November 17 with a time of 4:40. My brother Daniel, my best friend on the planet, married one of my closest friends who happens to be one of the most patient, beautiful and intelligent people I know. I have become an auntie to two of my closest friends who brought the most beautiful child I’ve seen into this world, Maya Dallas. Not to mention, I officially can consider myself one of the luckiest people on the world who has found her soul mate and that soul mate decided to marry me. Achieving goals, celebrating family milestones and planning the next major life step has made me really reflect on just how blessed I am. 

I am blessed to have the ability to move, to run, jump, walk and sometimes, dare I say, fly (my speed has increased dramatically post-marathon). I am blessed to have been introduced to yoga which has done more than increase my flexibility and prevent training injuries. It has provided me with the opportunity to look inward, to balance my mind and soul — my spiritual connection with my body and the world and people around me. I am blessed to have two of the sexiest cats every who may occasionally bite my feet at 6AM or throw up on a newly washed comforter, but who are my life companions that mostly bring a smile to my face and love in my heart. I am blessed to have wonderful friends and family who deal with me even at my worst, who provide me with unconditional love and support, especially this year when I pushed myself to my absolute limit. 

Most of all, I must shout out my number one fan and my rock, my partner Steve who has been patient, kind, loving, supportive, and a million more adjectives. I am so proud to take his name and to start our own family together. You have helped me be the best version of myself. I don’t know of any better gift that one person can give another.

But I know what’s close!

A Garmin Forerunner AND a Google Chromebook!

I have been a smidge more than obnoxious about expressing my desire for a running watch. The more I run, the more I value running without music and a million gadgets weighing me down. Yet, I still want and need to track my progress, so this baby is going to be my best friend for the foreseeable future. 

The Google Chromebook is because I must be really special and Steve loves to spoil me. I haven’t had a working computer in years, seeing as I have one at work and an iPad at home (another Stevie gift) I didn’t feel as though I needed another electronic. As I decided to start this blog and delve deeper into the fitness world, I knew I would eventually have to buckle down and buy some sort of laptop. A month back I had seen a commercial for a Google Chromebook and to my surprise, someone must have been listening to my very interested mumblings and under the tree was this perfect tool that will allow me to start writing more!

I know, unfortunately, that not everyone who is reading this and surely a high percentage of the world has not had such a blessed and successful year. Some have lost their jobs and yet to find new ones. Others have lost loved ones or their homes. While in my life I have had a roller coaster of ups and downs, I have never truly had to deal with any of those life changers. If and when it will happen, I can only hope there are people out their to pray and put good vibes into the universe to help everyone who has felt as though they have hit rock bottom.

If I can take anything from this year, I have read and heard stories about miraculous people who overcome adversity and achieve outstanding goals. In my own right, I feel as though I achieved the adversity of being unhealthy and to do a complete 180 to heal my body, mind and spirit with the help of others around me. If I can do it, anyone can.

I will now play Madden with my fiance and celebrate this wonderful day with my new family. I sincerely wish that you and yours have a happy, safe and blessed Holiday. I encourage you to give thanks to YOURSELF and the universe for providing you with the ability to run, asana and repeat.

Merry Christmas to all!

xx